April 30, 2006
Miles to Ride
Sometimes I’ll hear a song over and over and not know who the artist is. It’s really annoying. This catchy tune had been self-replicating in my brain for weeks when I was informed by Chris that it was actually made by people I hang out with!
Rooty Toot Parkway is an outlet for Robert Gonzales’s superb pop craft. Take it from me: I was in a band with the guy for years and saw it firsthand. The man has mad-stupid songwriting skills that were never properly exploited. Tender, powerful songs such as “Farewell My T-Bird,” “All the Useless Things,” “Sometimes” - it’s like the heart and mind of a warrior poet is trapped in the body of a mexican James Belushi. Robert’s prior bands include Manny & the Casuals, the Stupor Stars and Viva Malpache!.
Alana Smargon was the lead guitarist of the Pinkz as well as other bands that shall remain nameless because I am lazy. Here’s a link to Rooty Toot’s MySpace page, where some 1970s hit is playing instead of an RTP song (nice marketing, guys!).
Their wise-ass band bio reads: “Alana and Robert started a band called Rooty Toot Parkway with the goal of blending the Rhythm and Blues music they heard from across the tracks with the Country and Folk traditions of their upbringings. Although their families have disowned them for playing this “race” music, Root Toot Parkway continues to be the optimal soundtrack to many picnics, makeout sessions and dance socials. Enjoy!”
I believe that it’s Robert’s bro Tommy you hear on drums, even though Tommy won’t truly commit to a band that plays music other than good jazz or bad metal.
On to the recording. The bare, garage-y sound gives RTP’s olde schoole rock-pop hooks added charm. Jessica Mirmak says the melody of “Miles to Ride” is the same as the Carpet World jingle. I don’t know and don’t care. For the duration of this musical journey, Robert’s voice is just humble enough to steer us down the center line, then bring the whole thing home and parallel-park it.
Rooty Toot Parkway - “Miles to Ride”
Rick at 12:00 am
April 29, 2006
Heart Test
What can one say about 1/2 Japanese? Anything and everything, it seems. Among critics they’re kind of a rock ‘n’ roll Rorshach test, but the results will probably be more accurate if you love them, and I do.
For a good overview of the Half Jap phenomenon, I recommend the excellent documentary The Band That Would Be King, wherein Penn Jillette and various hipsters - many of whom I actually knew back when I was hip - dryly pontificate on the Fair brothers’ genius, in between live footage and storytelling. I do agree with the bitching of one disgruntled reviewer that the movie could’ve used more of the raucous early tunes prior to their breakout “accessible” record Charmed Life. My favorite numbers are from the first decade, up to the point where David kinda lost interest; I love the 1980 triple album set 1/2 Gentlemen Not Beasts (which includes all the hits below) and Loud LP (the beginning of their “big band” sound), and the Horrible EP of monster songs. And this one; the debut 7″, Calling All Girls.
Someday we’ll have a Toe Stubber party, and I’ll DJ their scrawnking best for ya. Can’t forget the David Fair Coo Coo Rockin’ Time - Coo Coo Party Time solo album, or spinoff bands like the Workdogs and the Chumps.
I remember there was a heavy-drinking friend of my pal Marcia’s named Bill Jordan who idolized Half Jap, even to the point of dressing like, and resembling, David Fair (though, in Bill’s defense, the “David Fair look” is not a high-maintenance style). Bill cofounded the local band Scalding Urine, a freeform noise project that was obscure even among friends of the group.
Don Fleming used to work as a dishwasher at the Bayou nightclub on K Street in Washington, DC when I was a busboy (Don is now a supremo honcho in the recording industry), 
and the young Stubber was the number-one fan of Don’s spooky sixties-pop band the Velvet Monkeys. Don went on to play guitar with and produce 1/2 Jap as well as bunch of other people you’ve probably heard of. Half Japanese is still Jad Fair’s baby and you can find out about newer stuff here.
Before I end up writing an historical treatise here, why don’t you just play a couple of blasts off this seminal 1977 record that spawned a million lesser “we can’t play our instruments” bands. It’s just two brothers, kicking up something loud and vaguely similar to rock ‘n’ roll. David Fair’s melodic expressions may be a bit rough on the ears, but his barking enthusiasm is infectious. For me, Jad’s lusty bravado in “School of Love” and his beat-up pleading in “Shy Around Girls” are the raw emotional highlights. Open your heart.
1/2 Japanese - “Dream Date”
1/2 Japanese - “Calling All Girls”
1/2 Japanese - “School of Love”
1/2 Japanese - “Battle of the Bands”
1/2 Japanese - “Bogue Millionaires / Cool Millionaires”
1/2 Japanese - “Ann Arbor, MI”
1/2 Japanese - “Shy Around Girls”
1/2 Japanese - “Her Parents Came Home”
1/2 Japanese - “The Worst I’d Ever Do”
Rick at 1:48 pm
April 25, 2006
One Benefit of Having a Blog
There are many sweet people who I’ve lost touch with over the years. Yes, it’s my fault. Let’s not point fingers. You know, it would be really nice to hear from you, especially if you are one of the following folks, of whom I have (relatively unambiguous) fond memories. Life is a short, brutal struggle, and friends are good to know. Please write to me (toestubber at gmail dotcom) or leave a comment below with your contact information.
Aaron Lee
Amy Leigh Dodgen
Tom Crawford
Dave Cruse & Megan Mills
Marcia Cameron
Rob Straker
Mike Mehan
Neil Hagerty
Laure Leber
Paul Brodbeck
Justin Luchter
Love,
Rick
Rick at 2:17 pm
April 23, 2006
Whenever You Takes a Mind To
Whatchoo fittin’ ta do? If you’re not a fan of racial humor, Southern speech patterns, weird advertisements, or wanton abuse of reverb effects, then I suggest you skip this post and just wait four months for the next update. (Just kidding about the four months.)
All I know about Queen Bee Bar-B-Q is this: In the early 1980s, ZZ Top frontman Billy Gibbons was playing around with a home multitrack and created a bunch of fake ads for a (possibly nonexistent) BBQ joint. He channelled a twangy, mushmoufed cast of characters for these little radio skits like some bizarre mix of Amos ‘n’ Andy and a Ying Yang CD. The tapes escaped into the tape-trading subculture, and the recordings are probably disavowed by ZZ Top’s management, due to social market forces and standard statistical variances in humor appreciation.
I first heard them on the Hound’s radio show in the early ’90s. Champagne Wade DeWayne, a pretty man, used to work at Venus Records on St Marks Place in NYC. One time Billy Gibbons showed up at the store, and Champagne (a proud West Texan, and one of my only Republican friends) was able to charm his homeboy into delivering one of the signature lines in that “Queen Bee announcer” voice! That’s right! If only that moment could’ve been broadcast live on national television.
Anyway, this stuff may be ridiculous and a bit racially insensitive, but it’s not so far from reality, so we at Toe Stubber have also included two vintage ads from Chicago’s Big Bill Collins show to demonstrate that (gasp!) people really do talk funny. I was able to procure the Queen Bee files below (plus three more!) thanks to some fine person who created this page. Fans of true American dialects should also check out the work of Lucius Tate and (soon to be subject of his very own post) the Prophet Omega.
…So good!
Billy Gibbons - “Queen Bee Bar-B-Q ad #1″
Billy Gibbons - “Queen Bee Bar-B-Q ad #2″
Billy Gibbons - “Queen Bee Bar-B-Q ad #3″
Big Bill Collins - “City BBQ ad”
Big Bill Collins - “H&A Restaurant ad”
Rick at 11:36 am
April 14, 2006
Profondo Guidos
Suspiria warped me. I was an adolescent watching primitive cable television when I stumbled across this bizarre movie that scared the poop out of me. 
For years after, I asked anyone who seemed cool if they’d ever seen it, but this was well before internet movie databases and DVD special editions and such, so it remained my secret nightmare. I gotta say, if you like a good horror movie and aren’t too literal-minded, then you have to see it. With the lights off. That’s an order, chief.
Later, I learned that this relentlessly dreamlike, color-drenched exploitation film was directed by Italian horrormeister Dario Argento, who selected a score composed by his frequent collaborators Goblin, a jazzy-rock combo who’ve done more than their share of beautifully nasty soundtrack work. Some have described Goblin’s sound and approach as an evil version of krautrockers Tangerine Dream. The premiere issue of Fangoria magazine contains a letter-to-the-editor by yours truly, begging for information about “Dario Argento & the Goblins” (as they were credited in the American release).
The movie also stars the ever-humorous Udo Kier, as well as gorgeous Stefania Casini who was so hilarious in Andy Warhol’s Bad the same year.
Suspiria the film is visually and viscerally incredible, but what really makes it work is Goblin’s driving, eerie, throbbing Italia-prog-disco soundtrack and especially its demonic nursery-song theme. A lot of reviewers describe the score as “loud” - which seems like an odd way to put it - but it’s certainly bombastic, with plenty of pumping sequencers and thumping bass, reverberating percussion and dark vocals. Argento’s previous Profondo Rosso a.k.a. Deep Red has a spooky synth theme with a gloomy virtuoso bass line and churchy organ solo. The boys scored many other Argento movies as well as, notably, George Romero’s Martin (1977) and Dawn of the Dead (1978) and Lucio Fulci’s Zombie (1979). Argento freaks should also possess the excellent organ-driven Keith Emerson score to Inferno (1980), the followup to Suspiria and second in Argento’s “Three Mothers” trilogy. Its knockout track is the pseudo-operatic “Mater Tenebrarum”.
My favorite dago wop, Steve Cattani, recently gave me a collection of Italian police-thriller music which contains the theme to La Via Della Droga a.k.a. Drug Street. It’s great, but I can’t vouch for the film, not having seen it. Goblin are still cooking up cruel music for films. They even contributed a tune to the Shaun of the Dead soundtrack!
Over time, Suspiria has inspired a cult of devotees from all over the civilized world and, judging from google, some really unoriginal goth bands and metal albums. So enjoy this slice of artful Italian sleaze, and when in Rome, be sure to visit Dario’s museum/bookstore!
Goblin - “Suspiria (Main Title)” from Suspiria (1977)
Goblin - “Witch” from Suspiria (1977)
Goblin - “Profondo Rosso (Main Title)” from Deep Red (1975)
Goblin - “La Via Della Droga” from La Via Della Droga (1977)
UPDATE: I forgot to mention that apparently Hollywood was threatening, once again, to wipe its fat ass on history by remaking Suspiria. Until last year, when somebody realized that Scream fans wouldn’t understand it. So justice prevails. This time…
Rick at 2:57 am
April 4, 2006
No More Silly Rules
Back in a certain era, people used to go into a record store and buy a record just because they liked the cover. Remember that? If you do, you’re old. Nowadays there are many good and bad reasons why that doesn’t happen very often. One good reason: There’s this thing called the Internet (I understand you can even get a version of it for your computer) that provides a wealth of background information and peer reviews on almost any musical release. 
A kid with a shiny new dime to spend on this month’s latest Edison wax cylinder doesn’t have to rely only on his/her own spotty luck.
On the bad side, you still can’t judge a book (or a CD) by its cover, and now that punk’s a recognized commodity, there are scads of major-label graphic artists working with highly paid photographers and stylists, crafting cleverly cryptic window dressing to fool you into thinking some uninspired radio-friendly pop drool is actual something dramatic and homegrown and creative and personal. The truth is, these graphic makers haven’t heard the music - nor have they ever met the band, the band’s manager or the label Vice President. It’s just a packaging job. They don’t care about what’s inside. Not that there aren’t still awesome artists doing great things, but the field is bigger and muddier than ever. For an unprepared music shopper, it’s like playing the state lottery instead of a small game of roulette.
I was 17 years old when I went into a Washington, DC record shop and came out with three or four singles that caught my roving fancy. One of them was the Leather Nun Slow Death E.P. Look at that jacket art. I believe that my young brain was thinking, “What… the… fuck?” Who was that fried-up cover model, what had happened to him? The answer seemed to be contained in the lyrics to “Slow Death”: “90 percent burns… and 55 hours to live.” 
And who were those biker-clad tough guys on the back? I never woulda guessed they were Swedish.
The killer track was “No Rule,” an anthem to lawlessness that oozed street mayhem and violence, but in its ugly, arcane mono fidelity, seemed to be recorded in the dark ages using pieces of a shortwave radio with some scraps of bone and ligament. This, along with the creepy experimental dirges that accompanied it, was my first introduction to so-called industrial music.
The 12″ rerelease of this record had a full-length track of “Ensam I Natt” instead of the joke edit you hear here. (Hey, my seven inches is still very respectable.)
What became of this band? Well, let the internet be your guide. Everything else I ever heard over the years by the Leather Nun sounded cheesy and lame; however, I’d dearly love to be proved wrong about that. In the meantime, enjoy the snap, crackle and hiss. Creep out, my peeps.
UPDATE: The provocatively horrific cover was designed by Peter “Sleazy” Christopherson, of Throbbing Gristle and later of Psychic TV and Coil. Fun fact.
Leather Nun - “No Rule”
Leather Nun - “Death Threats”
Leather Nun - “Slow Death”
Leather Nun - “Ensam I Natt”
Rick at 9:10 pm
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