Copyright © 2009 Rick S. Hall.

Peter Peter & Kyed – “Acoustics of Crime”

Times Square, 1970. Photo by Nick DeWolf. (Wonderful archives here.)

Fear – “New York’s Alright If You Like Saxophones”

Later, I learned that this relentlessly dreamlike, color-drenched exploitation film was directed by Italian horrormeister Dario Argento, who selected a score composed by his frequent collaborators Goblin, a jazzy-rock combo who’ve done more than their share of beautifully nasty soundtrack work. Some have described Goblin’s sound and approach as an evil version of krautrockers Tangerine Dream. The premiere issue of Fangoria magazine contains a letter-to-the-editor by yours truly, begging for information about “Dario Argento & the Goblins” (as they were credited in the American release).

The movie also stars the ever-humorous Udo Kier, as well as gorgeous Stefania Casini who was so hilarious in Andy Warhol’s Bad the same year.

Suspiria the film is visually and viscerally incredible, but what really makes it work is Goblin’s driving, eerie, throbbing Italia-prog-disco soundtrack and especially its demonic nursery-song theme. A lot of reviewers describe the score as “loud” – which seems like an odd way to put it – but it’s certainly bombastic, with plenty of pumping sequencers and thumping bass, reverberating percussion and dark vocals. Argento’s previous Profondo Rosso a.k.a. Deep Red has a spooky synth theme with a gloomy virtuoso bass line and churchy organ solo. The boys scored many other Argento movies as well as, notably, George Romero’s Martin (1977) and Dawn of the Dead (1978) and Lucio Fulci’s Zombie (1979). Argento freaks should also possess the excellent organ-driven Keith Emerson score to Inferno (1980), the followup to Suspiria and second in Argento’s “Three Mothers” trilogy. Its knockout track is the pseudo-operatic “Mater Tenebrarum”.

My favorite dago wop, Steve Cattani, recently gave me a collection of Italian police-thriller music which contains the theme to La Via Della Droga a.k.a. Drug Street. It’s great, but I can’t vouch for the film, not having seen it. Goblin are still cooking up cruel music for films. They even contributed a tune to the Shaun of the Dead soundtrack!

Over time, Suspiria has inspired a cult of devotees from all over the civilized world and, judging from google, some really unoriginal goth bands and metal albums. So enjoy this slice of artful Italian sleaze, and when in Rome, be sure to visit Dario’s museum/bookstore!

Goblin – “Suspiria (Main Title)” from Suspiria (1977)

Goblin – “Witch” from Suspiria (1977)

Goblin – “Profondo Rosso (Main Title)” from Deep Red (1975)

Goblin – “La Via Della Droga” from La Via Della Droga (1977)

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that apparently Hollywood was threatening, once again, to wipe its fat ass on history by remaking Suspiria. Until last year, when somebody realized that Scream fans wouldn’t understand it. So justice prevails. This time…

Your nazi helmet is factory fresh and comes with a choice of personalized decals. Made of the finest organic plastic, this item will never become obsolete. Kids – get your own helmet club! Plan secret meetings. Wear your helmets to school. Compare your genuine now helmet to Dad’s old one! Guaranteed complete protection in all demonstrations…

Hey, kids! Get uptight with your outtasight nazi helmet today!

(From You Are What You Eat (1968). Long time thanks to the Hound.)

Nazi Helmet ad (:57)

UPDATE: Corrected the name of the movie (thanks, Squeaky!) and discovered that this piece was on a track by Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul & Mary. According to Wikipedia, Pete pled guilty in 1970 to taking “immoral and indecent liberties” with a 14-year-old female fan, and served three months in prison.

What’s clear to me, and anyone else, is that Mothra is a giant moth. Let’s pause a moment and let that sink in. A moth. Possibly the most harmless pest in terms of battle, a fluttering, delicate moth can – what, nibble on your linens? Does Godzilla end up after the melee with raggedy-ass holes in his/her underwear? (Just kidding. Everyone knows Godzilla doesn’t wear any underwear.)

(...Damn, that’s sexy.)

As an aside, you can find out all about Mosura’s fragile ego and mothy powers right here. And this other page has the original version of the theme, as well as storyline summaries, smart links, cool photos, lyrics and translation.

The real movie came out in 1961, then was remade in 1996, probably because somebody imagined that was somehow necessary.

The U.S. credits for the original movie had Jerry Ito’s name listed as “Jelly Ito.” How excellent is that?

Anyway, I found an old cassette tape that has this tune which I’d assumed was by girl duo the Peanuts as those adorable little twin Japanese maidens (the Shobijin) that worship an enormous moth. This must be from a record I own called Godzilla Legend III: Dialogue of the Infantians by Makoto Inoue, which is apparently slavish synth interpretations of the original Akira Ifukube score, made in 1983. I like to imagine it’s the Peanuts on vocals, but for all I know it’s Pink Lady in a karaoke bar. Got your wings on, good buddy?

“Mosura” (theme)

In the same vein as last year’s incredible remix of The Shining, here’s a new twist on Mel Gibson’s Christ. (YouTube video) To my readers who are christians or who only have dialup connections: sorry. The future’s a bitch, innit?

...After Ricky Anys played it for me, I spent a long time searching video sites for the official-looking trailer for Snakes on a Plane. Now I cain’t find it. Apparently this Samuel L. Jackson-oriented web meme is attracting cease-and-desist letters from company lawyers. Aw, jeez. Go ahead, sue everybody! Did I mention there are snakes on the motherfucking plane?!

Here’s another Joke of the Week, for Yoshi completists.

Finally, if you’re the “street team” kind of person, you can mail me a self-addressed stamped envelope and I’ll send you some of the new Toe Stubber stickers (actual size). Adhere them wherever people are likely to see ‘em – money, baby strollers, Hummer limos, poop, breast implants, American flags, crack pipes, etc. It’s perfectly legal, I think, not being a lawyer.

UPDATE: This post mysteriously disappeared over the weekend due to some server-side problems. Also, the RSS feed is acting strangely. All I can say is, it’s a good thing this website isn’t my only lifeline to sanity.

For movie lovers, Criticwatch covers the shameful activities of fawning media quotewhores Paul Fischer, Harry Knowles, Bill Bregoli, Clay Smith, Pete Hammond, Jeffrey Lyons and Shawn Edwards (and last, but certainly not best, the legendary Earl Dittman), as they suck up to every megacorporation or publicist who offers them a shrimp platter or an official baseball cap, then foist their fluffy, drooling, content-free reviews on the viewing public. This is comedy with a burning core of righteousness. Ignore the myriad pop-up ads and sign their petition; it’s a good cause.

Then, via Hit and Run, here’s a bizarre little classroom movie one might call Planet of the Bike-Riding Apes.

And the Joke of the Week, late as usual.

Satisfied?