January 24, 2006
A Stiff Wind
I remember reading about how the last factory that made flexidisks (sometimes a.k.a. Evatone Soundsheets) closed its doors a few years ago.
Nonetheless, I have a whole bunch that I collected over the years, along with the cardboard variety you see here. (Let me come clean and admit that I personally stole the “Head of the Class” flexi from my old employers when I was managing editor of HIGH SOCIETY. For that, I apologize. So sue me. Uh, what I mean is, don’t sue me.)
Sex is funny. When you’re a young horny buck, you’ll put up with any ol’ crap just as long as it has something to do with orgasms - preferably yours. But as my adolescence recedes into the background, I’ve grown very intolerant of fake eroticism. Why won’t they just shut the hell up and do it, without all the showbiz? I’m sure my attitude’s just a side effect of hearing “oh yeah” and “fuck yeah” over and again, all the livelong goddamn day. Urgh. Give me something real.
But, like I said, the kids don’t know no better. If your fantasy of a woman fellating you was not ruined by the fact that she obviously can’t do anything of the sort when she’s simultaneously describing what it might be like if she didn’t have to keep talking about it, then this endless logical paradox of unconsummated oral love might suffice for you to enjoy [putative HIGH SOCIETY Editor] Gloria Leonard saying things like “I kinda like the challenge of an unconscious penis.” Then again, if your fantasy was being sexed by a skeevy grandmother with cartoon tits, why then you’d flip for the record that came with an issue of VELVET TALKS, in which overripe matron Candy Samples grapples with an obviously gay male employee (oops, reader) - in a limousine, ’cause that makes it sexy - who at one point murmurs “Fabulous!” as he squeezes Candy’s huge styrofoam-filled knockers.
The 1980s stuff might seem weird and creepy to you, but if you watch any modern pornography you know that this sort of stilted, unsexy, “me so horny” talk has never gone out of fashion. If, somehow, insincerity could be used in place of lubricant, these professionals would end up saving a limoful of cash.
Gloria Leonard on blowjobs from HIGH SOCIETY Magazine, 1980
Candy Samples w/”contest winner” from VELVET TALKS Magazine, 1981
====================================================
Extra: Former Midnight Blue lackey Ivan Lerner sure knows a lot of phony assholes.
Rick at 11:03 pm
18 Comments
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Faaaaaaaaaabulous!
Comment by wi11iam13 January 24, 2006 @ 11:23 pm
hey are you an utter faggot! i posted a link to your article and you replaced the photo link with some disgusting porn which can only show your a complete crap watchin faggot…..
You’d think somebody intelligent enough to write all this shit would be able to fathom why I go round the internet bloggining blogs, or even why there was a link to their article from another blog…….
Your beautiful picture was viewed by many twelve year olds and we are considering legal action against you or your company.
I also have the original picture and deal with Madlib and Stonesthrow
regularly, I will be hosting said image from my own space now.
Reading your blog now I can understand how completely full of trash and crap you are, I have friends whom know more bout vinyl than you ever could….
bollocks to your blog, just to clear up I have nothing against homosexuals what so ever and when i refer to the term ‘faggot’ i refer to the english pudding.
FAGGOT!!!!!
Comment by g4jima January 25, 2006 @ 3:03 am
hey are you an utter faggot! i posted a link to your article and you replaced the photo link with some disgusting porn which can only show your a complete crap watchin faggot…..
You’d think somebody intelligent enough to write all this shit would be able to fathom why I go round the internet bloggining blogs, or even why there was a link to their article from another blog…….
Your beautiful picture was viewed by many twelve year olds and we are considering legal action against you or your company.
I also have the original picture and deal with Madlib and Stonesthrow
regularly, I will be hosting said image from my own space now.
Reading your blog now I can understand how completely full of trash and crap you are, I have friends whom know more bout vinyl than you ever could….
bollocks to your blog, just to clear up I have nothing against homosexuals what so ever and when i refer to the term ‘faggot’ i refer to the english pudding.
FAGGOT!!!!!
Comment by g4jima January 25, 2006 @ 3:04 am
one more time - but this with feeling!
Comment by wi11iam13 January 25, 2006 @ 3:44 am
HEY G4JIMA,
so it was good enough to plagiarize Toestubber verbatim until you got called to the carpet and forced to look at some doo-doo, then all the sudden it’s ‘trash and crap’. also, anyone who uses the term ‘bollocks’ should resist calling anyone a ‘faggot’.
where’s the love, yo?
N.S.
Comment by napoli sfumato January 25, 2006 @ 4:02 am
just referring to the daft son of a bit*ch……not plagarising.
Yet another muppet who cant come to terms with radical theory, or simply hasnt looked….
faggots dont have anything to do with bollocks least not in the Uk if you wanna be PC about it!
love, yo? no yer right maaate!
Comment by g4jima January 25, 2006 @ 5:26 am
sounds like you boyz r into yer doo-doo
Comment by g4jima January 25, 2006 @ 5:28 am
For most of the twentieth century, collage has been understood as being a unique mixture of “real” and “represented” elements. The Encyclopedia of World Art, for instance, says that collage’s chief innovation is the “inclusion of a piece of reality within a painting [that] projects it into the world of objects, narrowing the distance between painting and spectator” (597), and this appraisal is frequently echoed.2 Pablo Picasso’s Verre et bouteille de Suze is often reproduced as an example. [fig. I]. With its real label affixed to a painted bottle, this work helps exemplify what is often asserted to be one of the most striking developments in twentieth-century art—the movement from metaphor to metonymy, which may seem in line with Zukofsky’s Objectivist predilections.
However, Picasso’s collage also exemplifies why many recent theorists have found collage rife with ironies that question the earlier definition. That is to say, in “reality” when you hold a bottle of Suze, you consider the liqueur the “real” part. The label is the representational part. But in Picasso’s collage, the bottle is painted in a particularly flat way, eschewing the painterly illusion of depth, while the label is real. Thus the collage can be interpreted as showing the constructed nature of reality and the materiality of representation. For this reason, Rosalind Krauss argues that collage challenges “any simplistic idea of reference” and “effects the representation of representation” (37). Thomas P. Brockelman contends that collage should be seen as the “origin of postmodernism” (6).
Comment by g4jima January 25, 2006 @ 5:30 am
2 things. First, I have a degree in fine arts so i KNOW art is crap. Second, I worked in a porn shoppe for 2 years. It starts out fun, but oh man… when the honeymoon is over, it’s over…
“Where I steal an idea, I leave my knife.”
Michelangelo
Comment by blip January 25, 2006 @ 9:41 am
In Decontessi’s 12 Books of Aesthetics (Sikes trans.) he states that “each day passes into the next, not disappearing, but transforming into some other, as the skin that peels and flakes from a body, as the carved stone that crumbles, as the paint that decays. Look close at that which is called art. It will never look the same again.” To quote g4jima “For most of the twentieth century, collage has been . . . . a painted bottle.”
Take a drink from that bottle, Toestubber, and then give up. g4jima has two many weapons.
Comment by montestewart January 25, 2006 @ 8:41 pm
I have no idea what you people are talking about. Probably because I never went two collage.
Comment by Rick January 25, 2006 @ 8:59 pm
hey buddy, any place to get a good burger around these parts?
Comment by wi11iam13 January 26, 2006 @ 1:36 pm
Poop.
Comment by michelle January 27, 2006 @ 8:35 am
I looked at Goldstein’s blog and I had to wonder: who’s ghost-writing it now? Perhaps poverty, sickness and LOSING EVERYTHING HE EVER HAD (Hahahahahahahahaha! Ahhh…) has made him *slighty* more coherent, but Al, by all accounts, was never that great at stringing words together (the mental gymnastics I use to go through to rewrite his ramblings into “editorials” would have confounded the Beinjing Contortionists Academy). I give kudos to whomever is taking Alvin’s rantings and turning them into something at least linear.
Well, I’m off to Houston to write about petrochemicals…
Comment by Ivan Lerner January 28, 2006 @ 8:01 am
Whoops! I misspelled Beijing! My humblest of apologies to the People’s Republic of China: please don’t invade Formosa!
Comment by Ivan Lerner January 28, 2006 @ 8:03 am
IVAN LERNER is hot. his biker movie series still exists in my booze-soaked memory and on an ever expanding sphere in its light-cone of spacetime. but really ivan, FUCK CHINA. and FUCK FORMOSA for that matter, brokeback bastards!!!
well toestubs can’t complain about lack of response this time. although lack of relevance could still be an issue
Comment by richie sfumato January 28, 2006 @ 10:52 am
Kids, kids! Chill already!
The above post is about porn - ferchrissake!
I find those flexies very amusing.
I remember seeing those in ads in strokebooks in the seventies (ah!- I’m dating myself again!), and wondering who actually bought them. Then a friend sent away for one of those porn grab-bags (100 items for $10 and your address!)and how everything in it was complete and utter CRAP! One of those recrds was in there, with sounds that later reminded me of Henry Rollins and that girl on “Slip It In”. Stupid. That and a very old sealed deck of naked lady playing cards with ugly girls with beehive hairdos that I still have to this day because it boggles the mind. Oh yeah, and a ugly, flimsy rubber sheath that was supposed to be a pocket pussy that my friend pretended to thrw away, but rumour had it he later dug it out and actually tried out. Ewww!
Comment by rich January 28, 2006 @ 11:24 am
Superfine, sir. I was thinking about digitizing some old “Velvet Talks” sheets eventually, but these might top any that I have laying around.
Here’s the closest I can come up with to reciprocate:
http://scarstuff.blogspot.com/2006/02/wife-swapping-swingers-orgy-porgy.html
Thanks!
Comment by Jason February 3, 2006 @ 6:19 am