December 3, 2005
The Bullshit
“I have never heard one person say that the most difficult thing about Antarctica is working outside, or being cold. I have never heard one person imply that Antarctica’s tough physical environment would be the main reason not to return. I have never heard of one returnee who finally quit because it’s the world’s highest, driest, coldest, or whatever. People leave because of the bullshit.” - Nicholas Johnson
I work as a DVD production manager in a well-established porn production company. My unconventional job means I’m forced to deal with less of the outright bullshit you find in most occupations. By “bullshit,” I mean smallminded attitudes - in or out of the workplace - that exist only to crush our spirit, or consider such spirit-demolition an acceptable bit of collateral damage in the cause of social prudery, fear, ass-covering or bureaucratic tidiness. Y’all know the kind of asinine shit I mean.
My employer pays me an acceptable wage. At heart I’m very unambitious (although I still have the dream of one day finding a box of money). But I am not subject to pay cuts, because pornography always has and always will turn a profit. My idiot-savant skills are utilized fairly well, and I occasionally get professional praise for my work. I interact with famous pornographers and enjoy their respect, and every so often, pretty ladies drop by the office. More frequently, I look at endless photographical representations of beautiful women having sex… a lot. So much that it can get boring. I also constantly get to see horrific porno atrocities, which is entertaining.
My being a weirdo is more tolerated, because it’s recognized as common; in fact, a perverted mindset is considered an asset when you are marketing to other perverts. There’s a sense of freedom in interpersonal relationships. For instance, in many office environments, I would be compelled to watch what I say. Sexual humor would be tightly controlled or banned outright. I might not be able to invite a female coworker to “bleach my asshole,” in front of the boss, with impunity, or engage in simulated public sex in the parking lot on the hood of my car. Where I work, the difference between a joke and a malicious insult is determined by its effect; it’s not a blind political calculation made by a Human Resources tool. (This is a side benefit of: 1. a small workforce, and 2. the type of work environment that makes it necessary to discuss gaping anuses, bondage and lactation on a regular basis.)
So, this post is kind of my belated Thanksgiving essay to myself. National holidays really mean nothing to me, aside from an opportunity to get the day off work, but I figured it’d be a good idea to step back from my incessant bitching and count a few of my blessings. Some rabid smut fans come at me like I have the greatest job on the planet, while certain “straight world” acquaintances just assume I must be a skeevy old creep. The truth, as usual, is somewhere in the middle.
Rick at 4:17 pm
6 CommentsÈ
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Now THAT’S the spirit that made this country great!
It’s getting so that a fast food manager can’t order her fry cook to disrobe and jump up and down. That same fry cook can’t, under duress, fellate a manager’s fiancé without the law getting involved. What would Thomas Jefferson say?
I don’t mean to imply there aren’t limits. Inviting a female coworker to bleach your asshole on the hood of your car is crossing a line, I think.
Comment by Balb Kubrox Ñ December 3, 2005 @ 6:19 pm
Yarrr…There are times that I miss the freedom and lazy-fair atmosphere of Goldstein’s empire–especially now that I’m in cubicle hell even more…Sigh! (But I’m lucky enough to be writing about weird shit like gallium and carbon composites for aircraft…)
BTW, *thanks* for those radio promos! WOW.
Comment by Ivan Lerner Ñ December 4, 2005 @ 4:23 pm
though i am sure there must be copious amounts (thick gelatinous fistfulls) of the bullshit around these regions…i am protected for the most part by a stelly wall of incomprehension, since it all flies back and forth in german! ignorance is bliss…
Comment by wi11iam13 Ñ December 5, 2005 @ 7:02 am
hmmmm…perhaps you should become your own boss!
Comment by wi11iam13 Ñ December 5, 2005 @ 8:37 am
YOU are a PERVERT? Ewww. I had no idea. I don’t talk to perverts.
Comment by michelle Ñ December 10, 2005 @ 4:07 am
Hey,
Got any openings? No pun intended.
I’m still trying to track down the film promos I mentioned, but I’m not sire how should I send them to you.
Comment by Jimbobnik Ñ December 28, 2005 @ 12:22 pm